Wordless Wednesday: {how not to treat your friends}

Car Conversation with Jake

While driving home from daycare, my conversations with Jacob went like this:

me: What did you do today? Play?
J: "pay"
me: did you swing?
J: "sing"
me: did you slide?
J: "side"
me: Who's your best friend?
J: Elmo.
me: Who's your 2nd best friend?
J: Ernie
me: Who's your 3rd best friend?
J: uuuuuuhhh............Bert.
me: Who else is your friend?
J: uuuuuuuuhhh............Cookie (as in cookie monster)
me: Is anyone else your friend?
J: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhh..........daddy.
me: oh that's nice!

Nice to know daddy made the list, even if it was after the whole sesame street cast!

fashion friday: tip #357

Farmer's tans are IN this season.

no need to hit the tanning booth or spend countless hours trying to even your tan and get rid of lines.



(i swear we put copious amounts of sunscreen on our kid EVERY DAY...he has his dad's skin...yessssss.)

Wordless Wednesday

validity and perspective

watch out, it's about to get serious up in here. i am flooded with emotion and hesitant to blog because i am afraid it might be messy. i'm not scared of messy (just ask my husband) but as an english teacher, i feel better when i know what thoughts are going in what paragraph and how to fit my ideas into the confines of a pretty little structure. i consider myself a rebel for not using capital letters.

i have been struggling for months now trying to maintain composure and a decent stress-level as i am faced with being excessed from my school site. (that means there is no job for me where i currently teach due to budget cuts, but i have a job SOMEWHERE in the district.) it doesn't feel good to get the boot when you really don't want to leave. it isn't personal, it's about seniority. i remind myself of that fact constantly. it is humbling, frustrating, worrisome, and maddening to name a few emotions. i have been trying like crazy to be positive and see this as an opportunity for growth and to trust God, to potentially have a great and refreshing career move-even when i wasn't in the market for one. sometimes it's easier said than done, and i'm not a fan of emotional roller-coasters.

i can hardly type about the job situation, because it sounds so trivial compared to what's really in my heart right now. yesterday and today, i have heard and seen several stories from the midwest from the tornado devastation. it is simply heart-wrenching what some people are going through right now. two stories in particular that i don't even have words for, other than i cannot imagine experiencing what they have gone through. tonight, i wept. i ached. i prayed. i counted my blessings. i hugged my son and my husband.

i am choosing right now to set aside my fears and frustrations about a job, in order to pray for people with real hurt right now. i am praying for the dad who watched his new high school graduate son get ripped out the sunroof of their car as they drove home, never to be seen again. i am praying for the young widowed wife, married 6 years, whose husband lost his life sheltering her from the tornado as it ripped their home apart.

my stresses in life are dwarfed by real tragedy. i can't imagine this kind of tragedy, and i'm worried about my job? who cares. perspective. sometimes it seems so cliche i don't even want to use the word. but Lord, Almighty, it is so important. comparing life situations doesn't take away feelings, it might mask them for a while out of guilt. when i compare, i feel SO thankful for a roof over my head, a safe and healthy family, and the ability to go to sleep tonight without fear. however, i don't feel guilty about my fears and my anxiety over a job, but i have to remain true to what's really important in my life. i know that the things i hold most dear aren't things at all. it still doesn't take away my anxiety about a job, and it doesn't have to. my feelings are valid and real no matter what is going on in the world. i just can't allow myself to get so wrapped up in myself, that i lose sight of what really matters.

Some verses that speak what's in my heart right now in light of human tragedy, anxiety, and hope.
Isa 40:31: "but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
Phil 4:6: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Heb 4:16: "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
Rom 15:13: "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

silly boy!

i am so glad i've kept a google document with the month by month milestones of our little man. he changes so quickly and does quirky things for such a short period of time! here are a couple examples:

turtle bathtime
jake takes a bath every night as a part of his bedtime routine...he plays with his toys, splashes, stands up/sits down, etc etc etc! well one night, he put a turtle in his mouth and played in the bath with it the whole time. he had this thing in his mouth for like 15 minutes and turtle got out of the bath to dry off with jake too. it was so random, i had to snap some photos. he hasn't touched the turtle since!




mr. formal
one afternoon, we noticed jake was walking all around with one arm behind his back. seriously, for like 3 hours, he played, walked around the house with one arm behind his back. he looked like a little waiter or something. matt and i were laughing about it, so i snapped a few photos. he hasn't done it since!



sometimes you just wonder what is going through their little mind!

wordless wednesday

(don't call CPS.)

flashback friday-may 2010

how is it almost may already? 2011 is flying by!

jacob (3 months) and buster the bear from last may.

ps...while in general time is FLYING, i was beginning to think friday was never going to get here this week. TGIF!

flashback friday

this little peanut's first holiday...8 weeks old...all dressed up hanging out at church Easter Sunday, 2010.

i love this kid.

he is growing up too fast right before our eyes...there have been many times where i look at him and think, "where's my baby? this is a little boy!!!" he is into eeeeeverything but so. much. fun!

a letter to my zoers

zoe,

i'm writing you this letter three weeks after losing you. I'm writing this more for me than for you because you knew all the special things we shared, of this i'm certain. you knew my unending love for you up until your last day. seven and a half years ago, i remember knowing instantly that i wanted you. i will never forget looking through the glass window of your humane society room: your dark expressive eyes, that one floppy ear and most of all your BIG smile showing all your teeth. it was soooo goofy and cute! i knew i wanted you, but you chose me that day, too. boy, i had no idea how much joy you would bring to my life. i felt like i was rescuing you, like i was saving you. little did i know how you would be the one saving me. you saved me from loneliness, you saved me from feeling sad or from a boring evening or saturday afternoon, and at times you saved me from having no one to tell my deepest secrets and fears too. you loved me unconditionally. you grew to trust me in a very short time from leaving the shelter. even though the behaviorist said you would never be a dog who liked to be hugged, you gladly received my hugs and squeezes. you not only tolerated them, you liked them :)

there are so many good times with you to speak of, i find it hard to sum it up. some of my favorite times with you and memories are: coming home every single day to your smiling sneezes as soon as i opened the door, you running and pulling me on my skateboard along Mission Bay and then laying in the grass watching people and the water, watching you spot something (bunny, squirrel, cat, etc) from a mile away and go into stealth mode to try to sneak up on it (it never worked, sorry sissy), rolling around on the grass as happy as could be, as soon as we moved to Grim and you got a yard...you turned into a queen! laying on the porch keeping watch on the neighborhood and any dogs that had the nerve to walk by, you sprinting diagonally across the street to your dog cousins house, watching you run at the beach but steering clear of the ocean-you were NOT a fan! teaching you to use a doggie door with enticing treats, watching you at the dog park randomly choosing to play like crazy with one dog and ignoring the rest, hiking with you up in Oregon and your daddy having to carry you across streams because you wouldn't cross, watching you fall asleep sitting up when you were really tired, being an amazing silent begger (not annoying but intense!), you would do anything for a cheezit, they were your fave, intimidating the chickens at nana's house and constantly "checking them" by doing your laps around the yard, sleeping in bed with us every night...snuggling us for a minute or two and then turning around and giving us your booty, rubbing your face along the end of our bed every single morning, then turning around and rubbing the other side going the other way, always loving an adventure being ready to roll whenever, and loving riding in the car...even if it was just to the store and back! you rode shotgun for a long time, until you both rode in the back when we got your brother, buddy. you were so mad at us for bringing him home, but grew to LOVE him quickly. you guys were the best of buds and he misses you greatly, too. you L.O.V.E.D. your babies (any soft stuffed animal) and any time your daddy and i see a grab machine of stuffed animals we will think of you. (we would always stop, put in money, and woudn't quit until we brought you home a new baby...and you SO appreciated our efforts :)

you had such a strong and beautiful spirit, my girl. you had a presence about you that was so comforting and loving. you were an independent girl with just the right amount of 'i need my humans and i want them close.' i didn't take you for granted not for one minute. i have no regrets for our time together, although it just wasn't long enough, dangit. you became a bigger sister when we brought Jacob home. I don't think you were super comfortable with him, as you were over 12 years old and moving slower, but you were gentle with him. you would lay near him like you wanted to protect him. even though he won't remember you, i have pictures and video and i will tell him all about his first doggie.

i don't know how to end this letter, because i don't want to say goodbye. losing you that day was easily the worst day of my life. i continue to feel like a big piece of me is missing and i know i will always miss you. i will always love you. i cry tears of sadness for me because i miss you like crazy, but i am so glad you aren't in pain anymore. thank you for choosing your right time to let go, as i couldn't bear the thought of deciding it was time to let you go.

"dogs possess the best traits of human nature. they have a deep sense of loyalty, are honest, and inspire other people's confidence because they know how to keep secrets." -chinese year of the dog

"what we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. all that we love deeply becomes a part of us." -helen keller

zoe, your beautiful gentle spirit and amazing sneezy smile is missed so greatly. i look forward to the day when the tears are replaced with only joyful memories. thank you for being you and enriching my life beyond measure. you will always be a part of me. i love you, my sweet sissy girl.

xxxooo,
your mama