watch out, it's about to get serious up in here. i am flooded with emotion and hesitant to blog because i am afraid it might be messy. i'm not scared of messy (just ask my husband) but as an english teacher, i feel better when i know what thoughts are going in what paragraph and how to fit my ideas into the confines of a pretty little structure. i consider myself a rebel for not using capital letters.
i have been struggling for months now trying to maintain composure and a decent stress-level as i am faced with being excessed from my school site. (that means there is no job for me where i currently teach due to budget cuts, but i have a job SOMEWHERE in the district.) it doesn't feel good to get the boot when you really don't want to leave. it isn't personal, it's about seniority. i remind myself of that fact constantly. it is humbling, frustrating, worrisome, and maddening to name a few emotions. i have been trying like crazy to be positive and see this as an opportunity for growth and to trust God, to potentially have a great and refreshing career move-even when i wasn't in the market for one. sometimes it's easier said than done, and i'm not a fan of emotional roller-coasters.
i can hardly type about the job situation, because it sounds so trivial compared to what's really in my heart right now. yesterday and today, i have heard and seen several stories from the midwest from the tornado devastation. it is simply heart-wrenching what some people are going through right now. two stories in particular that i don't even have words for, other than i cannot imagine experiencing what they have gone through. tonight, i wept. i ached. i prayed. i counted my blessings. i hugged my son and my husband.
i am choosing right now to set aside my fears and frustrations about a job, in order to pray for people with real hurt right now. i am praying for the dad who watched his new high school graduate son get ripped out the sunroof of their car as they drove home, never to be seen again. i am praying for the young widowed wife, married 6 years, whose husband lost his life sheltering her from the tornado as it ripped their home apart.
my stresses in life are dwarfed by real tragedy. i can't imagine this kind of tragedy, and i'm worried about my job? who cares. perspective. sometimes it seems so cliche i don't even want to use the word. but Lord, Almighty, it is so important. comparing life situations doesn't take away feelings, it might mask them for a while out of guilt. when i compare, i feel SO thankful for a roof over my head, a safe and healthy family, and the ability to go to sleep tonight without fear. however, i don't feel guilty about my fears and my anxiety over a job, but i have to remain true to what's really important in my life. i know that the things i hold most dear aren't things at all. it still doesn't take away my anxiety about a job, and it doesn't have to. my feelings are valid and real no matter what is going on in the world. i just can't allow myself to get so wrapped up in myself, that i lose sight of what really matters.
Some verses that speak what's in my heart right now in light of human tragedy, anxiety, and hope.
Isa 40:31: "but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
Phil 4:6: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Heb 4:16: "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
Rom 15:13: "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
5 Glorious Years!
9 months ago
